Pimpmaster Jazz

Bandito Thong and Wedgy Coordinator

The Pimp is a true fiend when it comes to crass innuendo and finding fantastic uphill singletrack to ride in his spiritual home of Thetford Forest. He is notoriously vain, and has been known to spend dodgy nights in Soho, turn up for riding sessions 3 hours late with a stinking hangover and inflict multicoloured yawns on unsuspecting carpets. His name is surrounded by mystery and intrigue, dark-horsesque rumours including that it was gained from the infamous Woolacombe pink thong wedgie experience, a questionable taste in neck jewellery and the fact he played some of the funkiest, jazziest sets ever known in central London for the London Surf Club. But, despite all these fine pimping credentials, he is still unable to grow a fully-fledged special-forces 'tash and pork-chop sidies.

A guide of international renown, he has ridden his bike down trails that had - until that day - never felt the furious tingling kiss of black rubber hurtling over them. All this eye-opening travel has focused his life's ambitions into one singular pin-point - to have a pad with a Mediterranean terrace in a sleepy mountain village near a micro-brewery, overlooking a fine shorebreak where he can relax, read, drink coffee and watch the world go by.

He has surfed all round the globe, culminating in the world-famous lines of the North Shore (of Norfolk). Here, he has ridden the fine breaks that bless the area through all seasons on a 9'1" stick of pure Saffa goodness. However, he does harbour secret ambitions to get a shortboard which will require lots of pumping and snapping to keep moving, but this is probably only so he can look like 80's North Shore Surf-God Lance Burkhart and stand on the beach with a steely glint in his eye, covered in painted zebra-stripes after a night spent in a hot-tub with a plethora of young honeys.

The Pimp's current top 10 pre session tracks to get you in the mood (in no particular order of preference):

• El Sol - Shootyz Groove
• Guns Of Brixton - The Clash
• Man in a Suitcase - The Police
• Bring the Noise - Anthrax feat. Public Enemy
• High Noon - DJ Shadow
• Darkness - Rage Against The Machine
• Death Threat - Brand New Heavies feat. Kool G Rap
• Picket Fences - Axis Of Evil!
• The Art Of American Football - Funeral For A Friend
• Totally Random Man - Therapy?
• (Bonus Track)Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

The Pimp's current top 10 post session chill out tracks (in no particular order of preference):

• Who Will Save Your Soul? - Jewel
• All Of This - Blink 182
• Inner City Blues - Maceo Parker
• 8:16 AM - 311
• The Jumper - Third Eye Blind
• Saturdays - Nelly Furtado
• Peace - Senser
• Soul to Squeeze - Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Time To Move On - Tom Petty
• Colours - Adam F feat. Ronny Jordan
• (Bonus Track) Greatest Day (Classic Mix) - Beverley Knight

The Pimp's top 10 favourite things (in no particular order of preference):

• Good tunes on a fine stereo
• Uncrowded 3 foot surf on a hot summers day
• Thongs
• Chamonix
• Bandito roadtrips
• The road from Castle Hedingham to Sudbury in a small, fast car
• Showers
• Long, winding singletrack at the end of a ride
• Coffee (and not that Nescafe shite either)
• Mmm. Cake. Cake is very good. And my mum's cake is even better.